Heres how to become courageous and stop following the pack

Heres how to become courageous and stop following the packHeres how to become courageous and stop following the packAccording to Dr. Cynthia Pury, one of the worlds leading scholars on the science of courage - courage involves three crucial elementsA voluntary actIn response to a perceived threat or riskIn pursuit of a personally meaningful and often moral outcome or goalPut simply, courage means you proactively acted, in spite of risks, toward something you believed to be important or meaningful.Its not courage if its not risky.Its not courage if its not important to you.Its not courage if it wasnt purely your choice to do it.Know the rules so you can break themLearn the rules like a pro so you can break them like an artist. - Pablo PicassoHumans are really good at creating rules.Without rules, it would be hard to understand the world and ourselves. Our brains naturally create rules as we are developing as children - such as forming rules to separate things like colors from sound s, addition from subtraction, cats from dogs.Interestingly, though, the development of rules can ultimately have detrimental effects on a persons ability to freely express themselves.Usually, between the ages of 6-11, children develop a concrete version of themselves, wherein they have developed a sense of identity. They realize that how they think and feel is different from how other people think and feel.In their teens, they attempt to test out these rules. This usually doesnt go very well for them. A few possible scenarios occurThey get in trouble from their parentsThey get in trouble at school or with the lawThey rebel against their family and join more radical social groupsFor fruchtwein people, the testing of rules is either rejected entirely or pushes people to become outcasts in some form or fashion.As a result, a concrete identity becomes solidified and the person develops a fairly stable personality, which they have for the majority or remainder of their lives.This concret e-self becomes a fixed identity or fixed-mindplatzdeckchen.When a person has a fixed mindset, theyre not likely to act courageously very often - only when the situation really requires it, like when a loved one is in danger.Buts thats reactive courage. Thats courage that wasnt planned for. Yes, it was voluntary. Yes, it was a choice to act. But it was also a response.But what about pre-planned courage?What about choosing to act courageously because you designed a situation to rise up to?What if you decided to break the rules of how fruchtwein people do things, but in a mature manner?When you really dig into the lives of the fruchtwein creative and successful people in the world, you notice that at some point, they stopped following the rules.You cannot be authentic if youre following other peoples rules.You cant be authentic if youre copying someone elses style.Authenticity doesnt mean youre being true to yourself. Rather, authenticity means you have the inner freedom to be and do whatever you want and believe. Who you are is continuously transforming through courageous creativity and a deep commitment to what you believe.Being authentic means you can hear your own voice, and you have the freedom and emotional security to make your own decisions.It takes courage to be authentic because authenticity isnt a fixed trait. Authenticity means you did something for your own reasons - not for someone elses reasons.Very few people are truly authentic.How can you tell?Most peoples lives and work look quite a bit like other peoples lives and work.Theyre still operating under rules that someone else created, rather than rules theyve formed themselves.They are still learning the rules like a pro, and havent developed the emotional maturity to break those rules and create their own. Theyre still following in someone elses footsteps.You cant read the label from inside the jarWhen youre inside the bottle, you cant read the label. Get out of the bottle so that you can read t he label. - UnknownAccording to Gdels incompleteness theoremsThe truth of any component of a system is unprovable within the systemAny system cannot demonstrate its own consistencyYou cannot comprehend or appreciate the nature of something from within it.You can only landsee how your family works by experiencing how different families work.You can only begin to understand your own worldview by experiencing other worldviews.This is why it can be extremely limiting to be entrenched in a certain field or profession. You operate mindlessly under the rules everyone else is operating under, and your creativity is incredibly capped.Your ability to be courageous is capped as well because you have no perspective to innovate.In an interview with Tim Ferriss, Nick Kokonas, an innovative entrepreneur said, I just look at some things and go, Why is that? Why does it work that way? Oftentimes, the people most entrenched in a system have no idea why.If your work looks and feels quite a bit like o ther peoples work - then youre entrenched in a system.You cant see the label because youre too far inside the jar.You havent begun questioning enough.You havent developed your own authentic sense and views.Youre still operating under rules that, in reality, only exist in respect to that system. But they certainly dont exist outside of that system.The only way to break the jar is to stop playing by the rules of that jar. You need to get way outside of it and start innovating. Start getting new perspectives. And stop caring what the people in that jar think about you.This takes an incredible amount of courage and creativity. It takes depth and reason for doing so.Authenticity is pursuing what you want (and this is very good for your brain)In a beautiful lecture by Dr. Susan David, she explains how our brains re-organize the entire world around us when we shift from needing to do something to wanting to do it.When you believe you should do something, you operate out of willpower. For example, when you believe you shouldnt eat the chocolate cake, then youre suppressing an emotion that creates increasing fixation on that cake. Eventually, you eat the cake.Willpower is never a way to success. Willpower is how you suppress your emotions even further. Its based entirely on shoulds and should nots.Interestingly, Dr. David references lots of research explaining how to become more emotionally agile or flexible. For instance, research has looked at what happens when children spend 10 minutes writing down their deepest held values. They reframe temptations and are less inclined to peer pressure. They can choose to act for themselves as an agent, rather than being acted upon as an object.When you become clear on your WHY - on the values you believe in most - then you re-orient your perspective of the entire world. The jar dissolves. You see things more clearly and have entirely new levels of freedom to create as you see fit.When you remind yourself daily of your WHY, you see the world differently. You stop wanting the chocolate cake. It becomes less of an impulse. Of course, from time-to-time, youll be triggered to do something, but you will no longer be at the mercy of your emotions. Instead, youll be flexible to the situation. At that moment, youll also be reminded of your values, and thus, despite the emotions you experience, youll be able to make values-based decisions.According to Dan SullivanNeeders are externally motivated, seek security, have a scarcity mindset, and are reactive to what other people are doing.Wanters are internally motivated, pursue freedom, have an abundance attitude, and are highly creative.Being authentic requires emotional flexibility. It requires the courage to break out of the norms of what is happening around you.For many people, it takes courage to break out of the rat-race of the 95 to pursue their dreams. But then, quickly they fall prey to another rat-race, the one where they are following someone elses footsteps toward success.Eventually, you must reach a place of complete authenticity - where you no longer pay attention to how anyone else is doing their work. You have the confidence and the courage to do what you want, how you want to.You stop following the rules. You start inventing your own.You stop competing with others. You make them compete with you.You stop playing the game. And you start innovating and changing the game.- - - Are you playing the game other people are playing?Or have you redefined the game altogether?Have you created a new game that others are now playing?In the book, Relentless, Tim Grover explains that cleaners - those who are unstoppable - create the context in which other people operate. These are the people who re-invent their industries and allow other people the privilege of starting from a new vantage point.Usually, those operating in the new jar dont realize or appreciate that their ability to act and operate is based on the rules set by someone else. Most people take this for granted. They cant see themselves from within the jar. Think believe they are acting independently, and thus, lack gratitude for the innovators who courageously and creatively shaped the new system.Evolving beyond your concrete selfIn the book, The Body Keeps The Score, Bessel van der Kolk M.D. explains that traumatic experiences haltestelle or freeze a persons development. When a person experiences emotional pain and doesnt allow that pressure to pass, but instead bottles it, they become frozen and rigid at that moment.They become concrete and inflexible.To some extent, we all have suppressed emotions. However, we will always remain stuck until we decide 1) what we believe in (our values) and 2) what we want.Until we decide what we believe in, we will always be operating out of shoulds and needs.This keeps us from authentically creating our own rules. This keeps us in a place of scarcity, fear, and the need for security.Once you know what you believe and w hat you want, and you develop a sense of inner freedom and emotional flexibility, you evolve beyond the concrete self.You are then enabled to design your identity and your life. You begin to see the world differently. You stop paying so close attention to what others are doing and you begin asking far bigger and deeper questions.You begin to step outside the jar.You step outside of the rules.You begin to see new things.You begin to make more compelling connections.You begin to set more ambitious goals - ones those in the jar could never comprehend - but ones theyll soon desire themselves once they see what youre doing.You immediately remove all of the things in your life that conflict with your values and goals.Your time immediately frees up.You no longer operate with fear or worry about the judgments of other people.You also stop attaching to outcomes altogether. Your internal sense of freedom provides you the ability and confidence to limitless creativity. You no longer worry ab out success or failure - because ultimately, you know that you cannot be stopped.You will fail plenty of times.You arent worried about eignungly squandering everything youve built to this point.Your future is what youre focused on, not your past.Growth is your agenda, not status.You live completely authentic and fluidly - being willing to step into unknown situations and create what you believe could and should be created.Forget Blue Ocean Strategy, you now live in a Blue Universe.Youre not in any oceans. Youre not even swimming. Youre now flying or floating or some other thing that doesnt even remotely reflect what others in your industry or field are doing.Youve redefined what water is.Youve built a new language and model for living and thriving.Youve stepped outside of a jar, and now realize that there is no ceiling. And this is where your creative potential really takes off. This is where you begin creating things that may make no sense to most people - and you no longer care .You now have nothing to lose - because youre no longer attached to what will happen. Youre living in what Dr. David Logan, the author of Tribal Leadership, calls No mans land.No one can compete with you, because youre no longer playing their game.No one can follow what youre doing because you only know the next step of where youre going. Youre completely guided by values and reasons - but radically iterative in your process.The moment you summit an enormous goal, you begin summiting another. As Dan Sullivan has said, The moment you arrive is the perfect time to start back over.You never get stuck. You never stay stagnant. Youre always re-inventing and innovating and shaking things up. Or as Seth Godin would say, Make a ruckusYou take action first, and then gather relevant information based on the feedback you get. Youre fine looking stupid. Youre fine failing. Because you know that these things are only the perceptions of other people. And they have no clue what youre building. T hey have no orientation toward the world or future or universe that youre living in.They are still operating by the rules.Theyre still inside the jar.Theyre still concrete and frozen - bound to their emotions and fears and rules.Now that youve developed emotional flexibility, you are fluid and authentic. Your personality becomes formless and you have the freedom to invent and re-invent yourself over and over.You have the confidence to design your life, right now, based on your highest values and aspirations.You know that when you take bold action, your universe will re-arrange itself to fit the new standard youve set.You no longer wait until you have enough connections, money, knowledge, or any other excuses you have built in your mind for why youre not living your life completely how you want, right now.You make bold decisions and then figure out how to make it work after. This is experiential learning. This is gathering relevant and timely information. Unlike most people who use learning or information as a form of distraction - you only learn that which will produce the needed outcome you need, right now.You apply Parkinsons law, which means you put FIRST THINGS FIRST and proactively procrastinate the urgent and non-important stuff. You let those smaller balls drop. If theres time for them, youll get to them. But youve put only your top priorities first.Everything else is what it is.Your life is how you want it.You design the rules.You create the game.You now have the courage to be authentic - and your authentic self is never set in stone but always evolving based on the values you have and the dreams you pursue.Ready toupgrade?Ive created a cheat sheet for putting yourself into a PEAK-STATE, immediately. You follow this daily, your life will change very quickly.Get the cheat sheet hereThisarticlefirst appeared on Medium.